How to Successfully Pull Off a Homicide

Like most human beings, I am a creature of habit. We all have routines we follow, and wake up each morning with a certain expectation of how each day will progress.

Except I bring this to an entirely new level.

I am ridiculously methodical about how I plan even the simplest of tasks. Take a trip to the grocery store, for example:

  • Make a list of what I intend to purchase.
Thai Peanut Pork is on the menu tonight.

Thai Peanut Pork is on the menu tonight.

  • Re-write the list in order of my regular path through the store, ensuring there will be no double backing due to a produce item being at the end of the list.
How did donuts end up on the list?

How did donuts end up on here?

  • Plan to leave the house sometime between 9:00 am and noon. Outside of this window I have to compete with morning rush hour traffic and soccer moms who have either just dropped their kids off at school or are running their errands before picking their kids up from school. There’s also the potential for a long line of “Lottery Ticket Ladies”, “Money Order Monsters” (seriously, why don’t you have a checking account?), or “Rug Doctor Renters” at the Service Center. All I want to do is buy a pack of cigarettes before I do my shopping so I don’t have to make a second stop at the gas station and be heckled for money by the riff-raff of St. Paul’s North End. While I realize this time window puts me at the mercy of elderly shoppers who block entire aisles with their carts and don’t hear you saying “excuse me” eight times in a progressively louder and more irritated tone… I have to pick my battles. I’d rather deal with that than being run over in aisle 12 by a soccer mom pushing her cart full speed because she’s already late to pick up the kids and doesn’t have my impeccable planning skills.
  • Make minor adjustments to the previous step if it’s summer and school is not in session. This usually results in an early grocery run to avoid the addition of kids bee-bopping around the store and J-walking across Rice Street.
  • Check to make sure the blow dryer and/or hair straightener are unplugged.
  • Check to make sure the cats have water (I mean, what if I’m in a car accident and no one is home for a few hours?)
  • Check to make sure lights/TV/etc. are off.
  • Check the blow dryer/hair straightener situation a second and potentially third time.
  • Do I have everything I need? (looks in purse, says to self, “phone, smokes, lighter, wallet, keys”).
  • Check the blow dryer again.
  • Leave the house. Make sure no cats are near the door (I have this strange fear of slamming one of their tails in the door).
  • Give the door knob a jiggle and push against the back door to ensure it’s locked.
  • Get in the car, only to immediately get out and check the back door again.
  • Arrive at the grocery store. Fuck. All three of my “usual” spots are occupied by other vehicles. I park one row closer to the store than typical.
  • Consider laying down on the floor and dying, but know that someone has to feed your husband, and muster up the courage press on.
  • Manage to find everything you need in the store without incident.
  • Upon exiting, experience a short panic attack when you do not immediately see your car, silently curse about the punk kids that stole your car, then remember that some bastards parked in your spaces, forcing you to adapt to the circumstances.
  • Arrive home and meticulously put groceries away according to temperature (frozen, refrigerated, pantry… in that order).

Can you imagine what I was like when I was planning a wedding?

In conclusion, don’t cross me. If I can spend this inordinate amount of time planning and adapting for a simple grocery store trip, imagine what I could do if I didn’t like you?


I know what waits for me in the basement… in the night.

Everyone has a skill in which they’re particularly savvy. Some talents are more impressive than others.

Take this guy, for example:



Or this gentleman, who clearly has a lot of time on his hands,

If this dude has this steady a hand, he shoulda put it to good use and become a surgeon.

If this dude has this steady a hand, he shoulda put it to good use and become a surgeon.

Based on many happy hour conversations, my girlfriend, Beau, is a master mouse clicker,


Some skills aren’t as useful as others. So what is this girl’s contribution to the world during her time on planet Earth?

You might think cooking or baking based on previous posts, “master of wasting time” may have crossed your mind…

But no.

In my 31 years of life, I’ve become proficient in the art of worry/paranoia/OCD.


  • I will check AT LEAST three times to ensure I’ve unplugged the blow dryer and/or hair straightener prior to leaving the house.
  • I will jiggle the door knob and push on the door multiple times to ensure it is locked. In addition, if my husband and I leave the house together, and he is the one locking the door, I will watch to make sure he does a knob jiggle and push before we get in the car.
  • I run up the basement stairs after dark to ensure any zombies, spirits, demons or white walkers don’t have a chance to “get me.”
  • My feet can’t hang off the end or edge of the bed at night. Ever since I watched Paranormal Activity, I think about an invisible presence grabbing my ankles and dragging me down the basement stairs into the “Detective Stabler Room.**”

Last night, B-Bones woke me up at 3:00 am. You can’t just shoo this cat away. He is a persistent little monster, and if he wants to be snuggled and petted at odd hours of the night, he will give up at nothing.




He then grabs my hair with his teeth and starts pulling. If that doesn’t work, he’ll start nibbling on my arms or face, and progress to full on biting if I’m in a really deep sleep.

I get up, use the bathroom, go outside to have a smoke, then crawl back in bed.

3:15 am: “meow.” “Meow….” (hair pulling begins). I start to pet B-Bones and he lays down on the bed . I begin to doze back off.

3:25 am: “meow” (arm biting begins). I roll over onto my back, and let him crawl up on my chest. He lays down, and acts all extra adorable.

3:30 am: Now I’m almost fully awake. My brain starts leaking, as it often does if I’m having trouble falling asleep. It’s like my mind gets stuck on “infinite loop,” and I start sifting through all of items on my to-do list, like a revolving door that goes nowhere,

This went on for over an hour last night.

This went on for over an hour last night.


3:45am: I’m not sure why I never do this sooner, but I finally throw B-Bones out of the bedroom and shut the door. Like most nights, he opens a chapter of The Sad Cat Diary and proceeds to spend the next fifteen minutes singing the song of his people, as per protocol.

4:05am: OMG. What was that? I hear a noise outside of the bedroom. B-Bones has ceased body slamming the door and howling.

Should I get up?

Maybe I should go check.

But what if it’s an intruder? Or worse, what if it’s one of those things that I’m afraid of in the basement? I reconsider thoughts from previous nights like this, and tell myself that this time I will put a knife in the nightstand come morning. Well, that OR I’ll get my hands on some dragon glass.

4:10am: Ok. THAT was a noise. It sounded like glass breaking. A parade of fire trucks and marching bands could come through our bedroom, and my husband still wouldn’t stir from his slumber.

I get up.

Of course it’s B-Bones. He’s hovering over a case of beer bottles waiting to be recycled. And then I see it. I see what all of the commotion is about.

THERE, AMONGST THE BEER BOTTLES, IS A SPIDER… THE SIZE OF A PANCAKE. He and B-Bones are playing a little game in the maze of bottles.

I put on my brave face, grab a magazine off the table, and go postal on this thing.

B-Bones is displeased. I, however, have just conquered the Godzilla of spiders.

4:30 am: “Zzzzzzz.”


**The “Detective Stabler Room” is an area of my basement cut outside of the foundation. It’s about 4x4x5 feet, and has dirt walls, floor and ceiling. I think it’s supposed to be a root cellar, but who knows? I wouldn’t go in there… even if a tornado were coming straight for me. Pretty sure that’s where the stuff I’m afraid of in the basement waits for me.


Week One Complete. What it’s Like to be Unemployed.

Today did not start off well. I burned my poor little pinky finger 😦


That white blister forming may not look impressive, but it hurts as much as the Chicago Blackhawks do this morning.

Did you watch the Wild win game 4 last night? IT. WAS. AWESOME. It also guaranteed a game 6 on Tuesday (which means I get to watch at least 2 more Wild playoff games). But how about the “musical chairs” goalie situation? In the past I’ve been a DIE HARD hockey fan. When I lived with my old roomie, she worked for Comcast, so not only did we have every channel available, but I was able to purchase NHL Center Ice every year at half price (yeah, it was as great). She didn’t care that I watched an inordinate amount of hockey because she was too busy hunting elves or witches, or whatever the hell you do when you play World of Warcraft for 12 hours straight.

Back to the goalie thing… “Did you know that Bryzgalov is a really weird dude?” My husband mentioned that to me last night, but didn’t elaborate too much. Just tells me he’s said some really strange things to the media over the years, but has kept his mouth shut since joining the Wild. I figured it would be similar to Patrick Roy kissing the goal posts before each start…. but no. Here, he offers his thoughts on the universe:

If you didn’t think that was strange, check out some of these classic Bryzgalov quotes:

“Siberian Husky. She’s all white. Beautiful blue eyes. That’s basically blonde girl with blue eyes. Your dream, man. My husky, basically, she’s a hot girl, man.”

“This is tiger and less than 5 like probably 500 species left on earth, yeah.  China law, if you kill tiger like this, death penalty. Yeah. If you kill tiger and they find you, your dead, that’s it.”

At first I thought there had to be something lost in translation… but once again, no. This dude is just strange. He is also afraid of nothing… except bears in the woods.

Speaking of Patrick Roy, here is one of the best goalie fights in the history of ever, and who doesn’t love a good goalie fight? One of the classiest things about hockey is that you can legally assault someone. Watch it. YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED. Make sure you have the sound turned up because NOTHING is better than the announcer during this. Trust me, it’s worth it, and the video is only about 30 seconds:

Anyway, that being unemployed thing…

I’m still getting paid severance, so it doesn’t feel too shitty yet. I think that has also stalled some of my motivation to move on to the next step. I really didn’t do much other than hang out and party. I know, it’s terrible. I’m 31 years old, and I just spent a week as an epic waste of a human being. A lot of nights at the bar (but to watch hockey in most cases, so that’s legit), a trip to MOA where I proceeded to spend over $100 on hair care products at Aveda, and a twist of the wrist that landed me at the casino for an overnight stay on a weekday.

I ordered a book to assist me in this challenge of choosing a new career.

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My husband told me this was instrumental in helping him take the leap. He changed careers 5 years ago, from retail appliance sales to advertising. I’m hoping this will help me decide what I want to do in my next adventure. I’ve been considering a few options, and yes a couple of them are food related. I just don’t know where I want to go next. Should I be a pastry chef? A medical coder? Continue my HR career in a non-retail environment? Open a restaurant? These are questions I’m hoping this book will help me answer.

I’ll probably take a week or so to get through this (cause I’m counting on the Wild advancing, and having to devote a lot of time to hockey). But I’ll keep everyone updated as this journey progresses.

On the other end… I’m missing my old job just a bit. Not so much the company or the job itself, but the people. I had a lot of fun working with those folks, and in many cases spent more time with them than I did my own friends or family. It’s going to be hard to move into a new environment eventually. What if the new place can’t handle my snarky scarcastic attitude?

Bathroom Remodel

Many of you know that Neil and I are currently remodeling our old and nasty bathroom. I’m pretty sure the majority of the fixtures and such inside the bathroom are the originals from when the house was built in the 60s.

Thankfully, after having the bathroom gutted to the studs (literally. The only thing in that bathroom that didn’t get removed was the ceiling. Even the sub floor was replaced), we didn’t run into any surprises. We knew there may be some issues with mold, because of a leaky pipe and ultimately some poor choices that were made during the original construction of the house. One of the previous owners glued new tile over the old tile in the bathroom, there was no cement board behind the bathtub wall, and the fan wasn’t powerful enough to draw out the moisture.

When the demolition began, the wall behind the bathtub came off no problem, because it had basically turned into mush (yuk). It seems this was because the previous owner just tried covering up the problem by gluing new tile over the old and not doing a very good job either. Water got behind the two layers of tile over the years, and the wall just kept absorbing whatever seeped back there. This eventually led to a mold issue, inside the walls. Thank goodness we didn’t have to replace the studs or anything like that!

I can’t believe all of the things we had accepted in this crappy bathroom. The faucet in the sink dripped all the time. The toilet only flushed properly if the handle was held down for approximately 4 seconds (seriously, if you didn’t hold it long enough, it wouldn’t flush, and if you held it too long, you were in trouble too). The layers of paint were lifting from the walls. The newer tile was releasing from the older tile and coming off. The window seemed to be rotting out as well. I’m sure we would have done this sooner, but with the wedding, it just kept getting pushed back.

Now things are getting real. I’ve picked out a new toilet, sink and tub. The electrician is putting in a new fan and bringing all of the electrical stuff up to code as I write this. I’ve been looking at floor and wall tile for days…. which brings me to the reason I really started this post…


The toilet, tub and sink were easy. In fact, I really didn’t care too much what those looked like. Picking out tile and light fixtures might seem like fun, but it’s turning out to be daunting. I’ve tried narrowing it down a little. Initially, I had about 2000 options to choose from (no, I didn’t add an extra 0. That number is accurate). I decided on a material and picked ceramic for it’s durability. That narrowed it down to about 600 options. Ok, great. I also know I want a tan colored tile. That brought me from 1000 to about 300 options.

There’s just too many to choose from! I almost wish I had significantly less options. I feel like I have to look at them over and over again to make a good decision. In the end, I know I’ll settle because I’ll get sick and tired of deciding. I didn’t even mention that I can’t decide on a size (do I get 12×12? 8×8? 6×6?), if I want to do any type of inlays…

Now is the time that I wish I had an actual designer involved. Can someone just pick something I’ll like? I can’t make up my mind.

In the meantime, we’ve been having to use the basement bathoom for showering and such. It’s a pretty small shower, maybe 3×3 feet. I barely fit into it. My husband does not fit in it, and subsequently gets water all over the floor every time he showers. When you exit the shower, you literally step onto the toilet. It’s a good thing neither of us is overweight, otherwise, I don’t think we’d fit.

In the end, I can’t wait to have my brand new bathroom. It’ll be extra crappy for now, but once done, it’ll be all worth it.

A Picture of a Pony and a VCR – Part 2.

The conclusion to “Things I like – Part 1”


I think this show is in its 9th or 10th season now. Most people love Michael Weatherly (the younger guy pictured), but I have a thing for Mark Harmon. This is one of the few shows I still have my DVR set to record. It’s not as good as it used to be, but I’ve invested so many years into it, I can’t break up with the show.

O – Orchids

These flowers are one of my favorites. I used to have two orchids I cared for a few years ago, until my cats destroyed them. They are so beautiful and exotic looking…. AND EXPENSIVE! My girlfriend, Erin, has an entire room in her home dedicated to growing orchids. It’s pretty cool, because she just brings out the ones that are blooming and puts them on display in her house. The rest stay comfortably in her orchid grow room until their time comes. A lot of these specimens only bloom one a year or so…. but your patience will be rewarded!

P – Patrick Stewart

I suppose I should address him as Sir Patrick Stewart. After all, he was knighted. This dude is the definition of awesome, and yes, the fact that he played Captain Jean-Luc Picard has everything to do with my opinion.

Q – Q

I should have also warned you that there could be a large amount of Star Trek related entries as well. Q is arguably the best villain Star Trek has ever seen. Don’t get my wrong, I still think the Borg, Lor, Khan, and the Dominion are all formidable opponents. Q, however, is a villain that provides comic relief. I could write an entire post on Star Trek related stuff, and I probably will at some point. Q initially puts Picard (the captain of the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation, for you non trek geeks) on trial for the crimes of humanity, but his character evolves into a mischievous juvenile who uses the universe as his playground for mindfuckery.

R – Rush

This photo is from the Rush concert I went to in 2010.

Thanks to my husband for helping me with this one (especially since it was moments after I freaked out at him about a situation with the toaster). “R” doesn’t really fall into my “stupid letters” category (see end of post), but I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head. Then he says, “Rush,” and I felt stupid. How did I forget this? I think it’s the only band both of us actually agree is awesome (sorry, honey, I will never love Iron Maiden), and “Closer to the Heart” was our first dance at our wedding. Awww.

S – Shrimp!!

I know, you thought “S” would be for Star Trek, right? Wrong. Unless, I was eating shrimp while watching Star Trek. Endless shrimp is typically the only time I will visit Red Lobster, because I can eat my face off for $14.99. I love all preparations of shrimp. Funny though, I never liked it until I was in my 20’s. Now, I can’t get enough of it.

T – Top Gun

I feel the need, the need for speed!

This is my most favorite movie of ALL TIME. I never get sick of it. If I find it on TV, especially during the weekend, you better believe I’m watching it while putting together my latest jigsaw puzzle. I can probably quote just about the entire movie from start to finish… I’ve seen it that many times. In fact, in highschool, my final grade in Drama class was in part determined by my group’s recreation of the scene where Maverick and Goose get that tongue lashing for the fly by of the control tower.

Of course, this movie was a blockbuster in 1986, long before we found out that Tom Cruise was bat-shit crazy. I must admit, it’s not the same watching it anymore, just because I think about what a freak show Tom has become every time I see it.

But those feelings are quickly washed away by classic scenes like this:

How many women do you suppose have been subjected to a recreation of this scene over the last 25 years?

Or this:

“I was communicating… keeping up foreign relations… you know, the finger.”

And of course, every woman’s favorite, the volleyball scene:

V- Volcanos

Nothing is cooler than this. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every documentary on volcanos that has ever been made. I just find everything about them so interesting. The photo above is of Kilauea, Hawaii’s most well-known volcano. It’s been erupting continuously for over 25 years. But there are other volcanos with cool stories:


This monster sits directly above the subduction zone of the Eurasian Plate. It erupted in 1883, sending the majority of its insides into the air. After the eruption, the volcano could no longer support itself, and collapsed into the ocean. The resulting displaced water generated a massive tsunami, killing tens of thousands of coastal villagers. The photo above is of Anak Krakatau ( remember, Krakatoa collapsed into the ocean during the 1883 explosion) “child of Krakatoa.” Since 1883, the volcano has rebuilt itself, rising out of the ocean again, and growing VERY quickly. This sucker is a ticking time bomb… and will likely repeat the events of 1883 when it blows again. I find the geology behind this particular volcano particularly fascinating.


Best known for the destruction of Pompeii in 79 AD, it last erupted in 1944. This is the classic stratovolcano that people picture in their head. Tall, with a picture perfect cone, and a well-defined crater at the summit. If you don’t know the story of Pompeii, google it. It’s crazy what happened to the villages near Vesuvius, and the preservation created by the pyroclastic flows.

I better quit now, before this turns into an entire history/science lesson on volcanos.

W – Wine

Seriously, how cool would it be to have a wine cellar in your home?

I know I used Moscato for M before. I guess I like wine so much, that it gets two entries (but if we’re counting, I believe food has gotten more entries). My favorite red – Chianti. That has never changed. I don’t think it ever will. White wine, on the other hand, varies for me. A while ago, when I wrote part one of “Things I like,” I was really into Moscato. Now, however, I’m sort of getting tired of it. It’s almost too sweet sometimes.

What am I saying? If it’s wine, I’ll probably drink it.

U – X – Y – Z

I’m not going to cheat and post bogus things that start with these letters just to satisfy all 26 in the alphabet. Do I really like Xylophones? No. Is riding a Zamboni on my bucket list? Negative. So instead, U – X – Y – Z, will be a small (or large, we’ll see where this goes) group of things that didn’t make the original list because something else with that letter trumped them.

Jigsaw puzzles

This is a photo of the puzzle I’m currently putting together.

I love jigsaw puzzles, and the majority of puzzles I’ve put together are photos of food (shocking, I know).


I chose this photo because it’s also a jigsaw puzzle I’ve done before.

Yum. I could eat it forever. Dark, milk, with nuts or fillings, caramels covered in it… I could go on and on.

Aveda’s brilliant hairspray

I am currently out of this. It’s mostly the smell that I love, but it also holds well without getting crunchy.

I’m sure there are others I had originally thought of including, but I just can’t think of them off the top of my head, probably because I’ve been at this for quite a while this morning. Anyway, while I was working on this, I also thought of a lot of things I didn’t like. I don’t think that’ll be my next post, but definitely one for the future.

Things I like, Part one

Those who know me well could tell you this list will not be all inclusive. There will be a lot of entries that involve food. It’s unavoidable. From A-Z, here is a list of the things I like!

A – Aurora Borealis


I’ve witnessed this phenomenon no more than half a dozen times in my life, and there are only two occasions that really stick out in my memory. Both of these times occurred during my high-school years (which makes sense, as the sun last reached it’s solar maximum between the years of 2000-2002). Each time, it was visible within the Twin Cities. That’s lucky, because the aurora rarely reaches an intensity that allows good displays at our magnetic latitude, and the light pollution of a metropolitan area doesn’t help matters. The sun’s eleven year cycle is approaching it’s solar maximum again right now, but that doesn’t mean every night will include auroral displays. A great way to gauge your chances of seeing the aurora is to check out NOAA’s Space Weather website. If the sun erupts and sends a CME (coronal mass ejection) toward earth, we generally see aurora a few days later, when the ejecta interacts with the geomagnetic field. A large CME, or a direct hit from one can thrust the aurora further south. It’s been awhile, but the sun is pretty active right now, so it’s only a matter of time before we see the aurora again!

B – Bacon


Who doesn’t like bacon? I think even vegetarians secretly like bacon. While bacon is good alone, it has no problem being integrated into a wide variety of recipes. Anytime I make a dish that includes bacon, I have to make a few extra pieces just for snacking on.

C – Coffee


You know it, you love it, and you can’t start your morning without it. Except french roast. I don’t have a problem with most dark roast varieties, but I find french roast to have a funny bitter taste that I don’t care for. I swing through McDonald’s drive-thru most mornings on my way to work, and the only thing I get is a large black coffee. I like my coffee with coffee. No cream. No sugar. No flavor shot crap. Give it to me straight up. On occasion, the 20 oz. McDonald’s cup just isn’t enough, and my body requires a trip to Caribou as well. Most of the time, it’s just another cup of black coffee. This time of year though, I have a special place in my heart for Caribou’s pumpkin latte. It’s pretty rare that I’m willing to spend almost $5 for a cup of joe, but pumpkin lattes have control over my wallet.

D – Danish


I told you there would be multiple food entries. There’s something about that flaky croissant style pastry filled with delicious fruit flavors and/or cream cheese. I have been known to eat four of these in one evening.

E – Eating

Well, this one is obvious. I love food. I cannot believe I couldn’t find a photo of myself eating!

F – Friends


These three ladies are my besties! From left to right, Beau Hodge, Michelle Harste, and Erin Danielson. These gals are one of the few reasons I ever leave my house.

G – Gravy


I don’t care what you’re putting it on… whatever it is, it’s just a catalyst for gravy. Sure, I like mashed potatoes, but it’s really all about the gravy. I’ll cover my entire plate with it. If there’s gravy with dinner, the food on my plate is swimming in it.

H – Hawaii


I’m fairly certain the word, “paradise,” must have been defined after someone visited this place. There aren’t many places on earth where you get this level of beauty day in and day out. We visited Maui on our honeymoon, and I would love to return someday. Everyday was sunny and warm, the air smells like plumeria everywhere you go, and there are fruity cocktails being served all over the place.

I – Icicles


How tempting is it to bust the longest one of these suckers off the side of your roof and wield it around like some sort of gladiator? Once, a couple winters ago, a couple kids walked right up my front steps while I was sitting on the couch, and busted a few impressive specimens off for some sword fighting. Kids in St. Paul are bold, and have no respect for the property of others. I didn’t really care that they wanted my icicles, but it made me nervous when they started fighting with them in my front yard. Anyway, this isn’t supposed to be a rant about the riff-raff of the North End. Icicles are cool (no pun intended).

J – Jimmy’s


Beau and I go here every Wednesday for happy hour. Neil and I had our first date here…. and we got married at their event center as well. Many birthdays have been celebrated here as well. A lot of my life’s history has occurred in this place!

K – Kitties!!


Awww. Look at my precious cat babies! B-Bones is the one wearing the tuxedo. Sadie is all black and is also known as, “Fat Kitty.” She even responds to that name when called. I love my meow-mix faces! When we (by we, I mean myself and the kitties) lived with Michelle, she and I concocted a plethora of stories about the secret life these two lived. B-Bones has owned his own reality and has been a supervisor at the cat treat mines (which he got fired from when they discovered he was driving on cat-nip). Sadie subsequently had to get a job to feed her cat treat addiction after B-Bones was fired. One time (and this one actually happened), B-Bones stole an entire steak off a dinner plate when no one was looking and ran off with it. B-Bones will eat just about anything he can get his paws on. Sadie, however, is only interested in baked goods. For some reason she especially loves cookies, particularly oatmeal cookies. These two are an interesting pair.

L – Lightning


Here’s a cool shot of a lightning bolt over the Minneapolis skyline. I think weather is cool, especially thunderstorms. My husband thinks I’m a huge dork, because I’m one of those people who is glued to the local news during a severe weather event. I just find the power behind this side of mother nature fascinating.

M – Moscato


You know I love wine, right? This is one of my favorites. Moscato is very sweet and crisp. Ecco Domani is my favorite brand of moscato. It has a very light fizz to it, and I think that’s why I like it so much. Barefoot also makes a good moscato (you can also get a pink moscato from that brand).

I just don’t have the patience to finish this list right now, but will post the rest of the alphabet in the next few days!


I’ve been having some fairly vivid dreams lately, and last night was no exception.

With the lack of quality television programming, Neil and I have been using the hell out of our Netflix streaming. Let me take a moment to say how much I love Netflix. While you can’t get EVERYTHING via the streaming mode, there is still a large variety of new and old shows. For the past two months, we’ve been working our way through the early 90’s series, Twin Peaks.

The show revolves around Kyle McLaughlin, who plays the character Agent Dale Cooper.


 If you don’t recognize the photo above, you’d probably remember him as “Orson” from Desperate Housewives, his more recent endeavor.


An FBI agent who arrives at a small Washington town just south of the Canadian border, Agent Cooper begins to investigate the murder of a teenage girl, Laura Palmer. There are a plethora of characters. At times I found it hard to keep up with who was who, and their lives all seem to intertwine together (think Heroes meets Days or Our Lives). There’s a lady who carries around a log that speaks through her, a 35 year old woman who thinks she’s 18 and has super human strength, and a fairly incompetent sheriff with an extremely dopey deputy. To top it off, everyone is sleeping with someone who is not their spouse or significant other.

But there’s one character that is pure evil. His name is Bob. Bob is hard to describe without watching the show. He’s a spirit of sorts, that inhabits the bodies of different characters throughout the series. You don’t seem him often, but when you do, bad things happen. Really bad things. This is Bob:


What? You don’t think he looks scary enough. Trust me, in the context of the show, this man is a horrifying creature.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. Last night, very late, we finished the very last episode of Twin Peaks. It was one of those endings that leaves you with more questions than answers. Combine a terrifying ending with the stuff I read about the cemetery across the street being haunted… I somewhat jokingly told my husband that I didn’t want to go to sleep, because I was afraid of having nightmares. Yes, a 29 year old woman is afraid of spooks.

Well, it happened. I was in my bed sleeping, when different people in my life came through the bedroom and attempted to attack me as Bob. I don’t remember who, but they were certainly loved ones. It was scary beyond words. At one point, I realized in my dream that this couldn’t be real, and tried to wake myself up, but it didn’t work. The last Bob attack came from my beloved cat Sadie (aka “fat kitty”). Seeing something so precious and sweet to me become so vicious sent me over the edge. I awoke drenched, literally, in sweat. I sat there for a few minutes contemplating what had just occurred in my head, then had to get out of bed to vomit. I kid you not. I can’t remember being so horrified by a nightmare that I felt nauseated and vomited, even in my childhood.

I woke Neil up in tears, described briefly to him what happened, and went out to the couch to watch TV. I did not want to go back to bed, for fear that I would dream of Bob again. Thankfully, I didn’t… but I did lay on the couch for about 2 hours watching Diners, Drive-ins & Dives to get my mind off the shit-show it had created in my sleep.

Have you ever had a dream that resulted in something similar? I can’t believe that as a grown woman I could be such a baby about the whole thing, but as I said before, words can’t describe the horror of this nightmare.

Hopefully, tonight is not a repeat.

A day in the life

Insipired by one of my favorite childhood cousins new wife, I’ve decided to start my first blog ever…. unless you consider “Myspace’s” blog a real blog. Do people still use that site? I deleted my Myspace profile many years ago when Facebook completely took over the social media world. Now, I think that Myspace is mostly for “tweeny” girls and people who love spam. BUT, one of the few things Facebook lacks is a blog function… and so, thanks to hooleywithaz (who has, in my opinion, a pretty entertaining and down to earth blog) I find myself here today.

Recently married (in August of 2012), you’d think my life would have changed considerably over the past two months. It has not, and for that I am greatful. My husband and I lived together for three and a half years prior to saying, “I do.” I continually get asked by family, friends, and co-workers, “how’s married life.” And my response is always, “the same as it was before.” It’s not a bad thing. I like things the way they are. If it had changed dramatically, I’d probably be disappointed. Being that we lived together for an extended period of time, we had that part figured out long before exchanging rings and shoving cake in each other’s faces.


I suspect the majority of my posts will involve food, cats (we love our meow-meows!),

Imageand the occasional rant about something that makes me angry.

Our days are pretty typical. I work as a department manager for an industry leading retailer, my husband slaves away at an advertising agency in Minneapolis. We have dinner together most evenings, and I’m usually the cook. It’s not that Neil can’t cook, but I enjoy it more than he does, and unless he has a recipe with step-by-step instructions or the meal involves his beloved grill, he knows better than to get involved.

He’s much more adventurous than I. An advertising man by day, and a local musician by night. His band has done quite well over the decade+ they’ve been together, and it allows me to have a couple nights a week to myself. Not that I don’t like spending time with him, but every girl enjoys her alone time. On the flip side, he occasionally goes out of town to play shows, and this results in me spending the night home alone. I don’t like being in the house all night, all by myself, and usually don’t sleep well.

We both have a love of food, good wine, and playing games that are good for two people. We seem to cycle through scrabble, cribbage, boggle and sequence. If you have suggestions for other good two-person games, please say so! It’s not always easy to find ones that aren’t lame. Most of those I listed above are pretty classic.

I’m still in the process of changing my name. Got my new social security card, but that’s about it. This part of getting hitched is such a PITA, isn’t it?

I think I’ll cut this off before it gets too long and all over the place. I need a trip to the grocery store to cook up something delicious for supper on this chilly fall day!